...Baby One More Time

That title couldn't have been any more obvious, but Oh. My. God. It's a Christmas miracle! The littlest Spears has gone and gotten herself preggers! She's like the Virgin Mary, except she's a 16-year-old ho bag with a famous sister and a soon-to-be terminated Nickelodeon career. Every time a bell rings, a Spears girl gets knocked up.

The news of little Jamie Lynn's impending demon spawn hit late in the afternoon yesterday, so I didn't get a chance to recap. But the local news, Good Morning America, radio morning shows, late-night talk shows, Associated Press, White House, my cat, your mom have all been kind enough to report on the developing baby bump. Jamie and her douchebag 19-year-old boyfriend have been together for three years after meeting in church. Church! You can't make that shit up. Britney was the last person on Earth to hear the happy news, and even laughed off a paparazzo's question regarding her little sis's big news last night. The only thing that could make me more sad for that family at this point is if one of Brit's dogs sustained an injury and had to wear one of those pathetic cones around its head. But best wishes to Baby Mama Jamie Lynn and the gaggle of multiple-first-named, wonky-eyed kiddies she's sure to produce.

I would write more, but I have to go send Marilyn Manson his Christmas card from my boss. I honestly wish I were kidding. I addressed it to "Manson" - is that appropriate? I know "Marilyn" is wrong, and "Marilyn Manson" seemed too formal. Whitney suggested "Mr. Manson" but I thought simplicity was best. This was after I contemplated sending my bra along with Pete Wentz's card. But I don't think you can send sexy stuff to straight guys that gay.